Hidden Truths
by Ainm

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A/N: If crazed use of dashes and italics bothers you, don't go here -- it's even worse than usual for me. ;-) Blair is trying to talk, Jim is trying not to listen. Post-TSbyTS.

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"We need to talk."

Oh god. "No. I --"

"Jim. I know you'd do a lot to avoid any big emotional scene here, and to be honest, I've been putting this off myself -- it's very near the bottom of the 'things I hope never to do' list. But hey, I've been scraping the bottom of that barrel a lot lately, and I've got to tell you this whether I want to or not."

"But --"

"Look, Jim, this is important. If I'm going to go to the Academy --"

If?! "If?"

"Listen to me, man. This is my life we're talking about here. I'm not going to go to the Academy for you with this hanging over my head. If it turns out not to be news to you and you're OK with it, then fine, great, we're cool and I'll be there with bells on. I want to do it. But if you're going to throw me out, it's going to have to be before I start down this path -- I'm not going to become a cop if I can't be there for you."

Oh god -- what the hell is he talking about? Throw him out? How bad can this be? "Blair, I'm not going to throw you out."

"Jim, just shut up and listen to me for a minute, OK? This is hard enough as it is."

"OK..."

"OK. You have to know, after everything that's happened over the past year, after the fountain, after the press conference, that you're... very important to me. Right?"

Oh god -- you're not going where I think you are, are you? I can't go there, Sandburg!

"Right?"

"Right..."

"But it's not just... I mean... there's more to it than I've been... completely open about."

Don't do this, Blair...

"I don't know when things changed, really -- I think it was a gradual thing..."

No...

"...or maybe it never changed at all, maybe it just took me a while to catch on... but it's not just a... a buddy thing --"

No, Sandburg --

"-- or a Sentinel & Guide thing, although maybe it is --"

Oh god, don't do this, Blair --

"-- none of the literature gets into that kind of thing, but it's hardly definitive --"

"Blair --"

"OK, OK, rambling, sorry, but the point is that I need you to know that... I love you."

No! I don't want this!

"Love love, I mean, not just beer-commercial 'I love you, man' love --"

I can't do this, Blair --

"-- but the whole heretofore-reserved-for-girls, racing-heart, sweaty-palmed, stained-sheet sort of thing --"

Jesus, Blair!

" -- and I know that you don't feel the same --"

I don't! I don't!

" -- and that's OK, and I haven't brought it up before because what would be the point, really -- "

So stop! Shut up, Sandburg, I won't do this!

" -- but I know you'd have found out sooner or later, I can't really believe that you don't know already, I mean you must have sensed something --"

No, because I don't think about you that way! I don't listen to you or smell you and -- no!

" -- but I can't take this step, go learn to carry a gun and be a cop and everything if you find out and can't handle it -- I can't be a cop without you --"

Yes you can, you're a great cop, I told you that --

" -- so I had to just bite the bullet, so to speak, and just get this over with and see how much it changes things --"

Why do you have to change things, Blair?

" -- and now I'm starting to panic because you aren't saying anything and you're staring at me like a fish out of water and maybe I better let you get a word in before I start hyperventilating..."

Oh god... "Blair, I... I don't... I... I love you too, Chief."

Aw hell. Figures that I can lie to myself but not to Sandburg, I guess...

Fin

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