I must thank Delilah for doing the beta on this. She did a great job in a fast time so thanks Delilah! Your Jedi voice did the trick
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They've gone now, some important event that needs celebrating.
They'll be hobnobbing with the big guys, dancing, eating, being seen and seeing who's there. Jim'll hate it, I know that, but that's not the point. The point is he's there, and I'm here, in the loft, alone.
It's not that I wanted to go particularly, god knows I see enough of the brownnosing at school. Let me tell you it's all about image there, miss one so-called 'mixer' and kiss your grant application goodbye. Well maybe I exaggerate a little but you see what I mean, it's all about strategy, and Jim's is to hit the Mayor's ball and leave as soon as possible. Kiss a few cheeks, drink some champagne, dance a few dances, indulge in small talk then get the hell out of Dodge. He hates those formal kinds of affairs; give him a beer, hot wings and some guy talk and he's happy.
They'll be making the best of it, all gathered together in a tight group, spouting BS and laughing at the people round them. Henri will have that tux on with that 'comedy' vest. Someone should tell him that bright red lobsters certainly do make a statement, I'm just not sure that it's the one that he wants to make. He'll be laughing in that exuberant way of his, relishing his role of joker to the group, knowing whatever he wears he's 'in', one of guys.
Simon will have a vest as well, maybe not as loud as H's but getting there. Maybe a maroon one? , that compliments his well cut tux. He's such a big guy that he stands out whatever he wears; he doesn't need garish colors to be seen. The air of power just surrounds him; sometimes he scares me when he bellows. I know he's softhearted and I think he accepts me but still I can't help my heart jumping when that voice booms from his office. He'll be drinking champagne and eating finger foods while wishing for beer and steak, most cops are like that I think. Simon knows how to play the game, doesn't mean he likes it though
Let's see who else? Rafe, how could I forget him? He's such a contradiction sometimes, very much the junior partner to H but still looks as confident as the longest-serving cop. I was there before him yet it's like he's been a detective forever. He'll look good, that's a given, wearing his made to measure tux that he'll take off and carefully protect and put away tonight. He likes nice things but he's still a junior detective, they don't make that much, well more than
me but sometimes I think the donut girl pulls in more than I do. I like Rafe, I really do, we talk sometimes when we manage to ditch the senior partners for a while, just shoot the breeze, a little BS , a little soul searching. He's deep Rafe is, seen more things in his life than he'll tell most people. Doubt he's doing that now, maybe he'll be laughing at one of H's bad jokes or sniggering at the Mayor´s daughter giving Jim the eye, guy stuff you know. He may be well-dressed but he's still one of the inner group. I'm glad for him, I really am.
I hope Joel isn't overdosing on calorie-laden finger foods. I told him to keep to the vegetables and tomato-based dips, not sure if the pull of caviar and chocolate will be too much. Even if he does indulge I'll cut him some slack, he looks fantastic now after shedding the weight. He'll be wearing a new tux, his old one hung off him when he tried it on at the last poker night he hosted. I've never seen anyone look so happy as when he pulled up those pants and they fell down again. Sure he looked slightly ridiculous but it meant he'd made it, excess weight gone. I was so happy, all those nights looking for easy weight loss programs and hiking the park together in his dinner hour were made worth while at that brilliant smile and crushing hug he gave me that night. Joel's special, he's been on my side since the start and I love him for that. He was someone important, Bomb Squad Captain, yet still had time for me, backed me up, that was a hell of a trusting thing to do considering he didn't know me. That's Joel though, the longest serving cop in Major Crime and one hell of a man. I hope some beautiful lady is giving him the eye; I'll have to get details from Jim tomorrow.
Then there's Jim. My best friend, roomie and Sentinel in that order. He was the loner of the station once. People say that to me but all I can see is the man who gives everything, a prickly surface but marshmallow center . Listen to me getting mushy , but it's true. He's so giving, once he's your friend it's for life. He's a constant in my life now and I love him above everyone but Naomi. He bitched about going to this thing all week yet still dry cleaned his tux and shined his shoes. That's Jim; if he has to do something he'll give it his all. Like I said he'll hate being there but will still do the guy thing, maybe watch the society ladies, even dance with a few of them. Jim's comfortable like that you know, he's from this privileged background but doesn't flaunt it at all. I doubt that anyone but Simon and I know about all the money in his bank account or the house he grew up in. Jim is one loaded detective, how do you think he pays for all the trucks he's bought, or the loft? He'll fit right in
at the ball, doesn't mean he likes it though. He'll make do as usual, make the night a good one by telling tall stories, cracking some jokes, maybe he'll mention me a few times. I'd like to think so, know that my name's there even if I'm not. See that's the thing, the guys will band together to make the night as good as can be while stuck in formal clothes and surrounded by the snobbish element of Cascade. Friends do that; I've seen it myself. They'll hate being there but make the best of a bad job. I would have hated it as well, I know that. I just wish I'd had the chance to find out.
I found out that it doesn't matter how much I do at the PD, how much I help Jim or any of the others. I'm not one of the guys. I thought I was, that was until the invitations were handed out. I didn't get one, didn't expect one, just assumed that I'd be going as Jim's guest.
The days passed and they moaned about going while arranging tux's and I sat and waited to be asked what I was going to wear or to be teased for being Jim's date. It never happened, and soon it registered that it wasn't going to. It was a cop event and I didn't pass the requirements, I wasn't a cop despite the cop stuff that I did on a day-to-day basis. Sure I can take the bad stuff, get shot, poisoned, drugged, beaten, intimidated, search through musty case files, look after hysterical victims but when it comes to the good I'm observer again, and as we all know, observers do just that, observe. So no party for me.
It doesn't matter really, I would have hated it, the sucking up, the bad food, the predictable speeches and lifeless music, the jokes and BS, the tall tales and us against them attitude, I would have hated it all. Wouldn't I? It's a good job that I'm here and not there, I've food that I like in front of me, a cold beer by my side, a TV program that looks interesting and maybe if I'm lucky one of my friends will be in to talk to later, 'cause as much as I've enjoyed writing this I'd like to hear a human voice tonight.
I'll hear all about the ball in the morning, Jim will tell me about how his senses acted up in the loud room as I make his eggs. Simon will laugh at the inevitable councilor who made a fool of themselves dancing as I bring his files to him. Joel may mention the buffet when I give him the low fat recipes I found tonight. Rafe might mention about the warm wine as we talk about his mom who's still in South Africa and H will laugh loud at the terrible music when I bring his cocoa that I'll make in the break room. They'll all say how bad it was while sharing smiles at things they saw, say I had the better deal at home and they'll mean it. They'll think I was happier at the loft, and that's okay. I don't need to be one of the guys, I don't need to be included in the good as well as the bad. I'm okay really, and I'm sure one day I'll get the chance to wear the new tux that's pushed to the back of my closet, just not tonight. Tonight I'm alone.