You going tell me what we're here for Jim?
Deliberately placing his beer onto the scarred table top Simon looked at Jim. Ever since he'd asked his Captain to join him for a beer after work the Sentinel had seemed uneasy, skirting the edges of the real reason why he wanted to talk.
Simon had been willing to play along for so long, it wasn't often he spent time one on one with his friend, and he'd enjoyed the evening. They'd discussed the Jags, work, friends, politics, everything it seemed but the real topic. Now two hours later, Simon was going to push the issue, let Jim off the hook.
"Can't I not just ask an old friend out to shoot the breeze Simon, not everything has a hidden objective you know."
Simon didn't even begin to reply, only raising an eye at the obvious lie. Jim looked uncomfortable, hands flipping a beer mat over and over as he searched for the right words.
"I don't know what to say Simon, yeah I've something to tell you…it's just hard you know?"
Simon did know, he knew how hard it was for Jim to talk about anything personal, and also knew that when Jim did talk it was usually to Sandburg. The sense of victory that ran through his body that Jim had came to *him* and not Blair was acknowledged and expected. Simon was Jim's oldest friend yet at times he felt pushed to the sidelines, excluded from the Ellison/Sandburg partnership. Now Jim had come to him and he'd do anything to help.
"Come on Jim, it can't be that bad. Look how long we've known each other; you haven't told me anything that drove me away yet. I stuck by you with this Sentinel thing didn't I?"
A smile appeared on Jim's face, as if he was remembering all the times Simon had offered his friendship and protection. Glancing quickly round, double checking that no one was in hearing range Jim dropped the beer mat to the table and looked Simon in the eyes.
"It's about me and Sandburg… I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're sorta together."
Simon had always thought that it was impossible to be struck dumb within seconds, yet now, sitting in that quiet bar he believed. He seemed to hear and see everything around him, the fan swishing overhead, the clink of drinks, the waitress in the pink dress carrying a tray of food. Yet his body seemed paralysed, he couldn't move or talk. Stuck in a nightmare that he couldn't break free of. Simon could see Jim getting concerned as he waited for an answer, the smile dropping from his face and a frown appearing instead.
Finally after what seemed hours Simon felt his body react again, forcing air into his lungs. Dropping his gaze from Jim's concerned look he franticly tried to think of what to say to his friend.
"I take it you mean more than live together."
Simon felt the urge to laugh hysterically even as he asked the question. Obviously they did more than live together, this whole situation would have been avoided if that's all they did.
"That's right Sir"
Jim's expression was turning to stone in front of Simon's eyes. It was obvious that his reaction wasn't what Jim expected, and that 'Sir' crack. Simon could feel Jim distance himself with every passing second. What the hell did Jim expect? He'd expected some Sentinel or woman problem; instead he'd been told that his friend was sleeping with his partner, his male partner. Did Jim really expect him to congratulate him for it? Say what took you so long, shake his hand and say you make a great couple? Well he couldn't; as far as Simon was concerned Jim was making the biggest mistake of his life.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Has it escaped your notice that under all that hair Sandburg's a man? You're not gay Jim, you've never slept with men. What the hell has he done to you?"
Simon could feel anger threatening to erupt, and had to force the volume of his voice down. God knows he didn't want anyone else to know that Jim was queer. Sandburg he could understand, hell he should have known that he wasn't normal. All that hair and strange clothes, the way he would touch Jim, hell he'd even hug him in public. Simon's skin crawled when he thought of the times Sandburg had tried to hug him.
Simon had known Jim for years, he was a man's man, there was no way he would have looked at another man that way. Now after having Sandburg in his home less than a year he'd turned into some kind of faggot. It was all Sandburg's doing. The idea that he'd signed off on their partnership threatened to choke him now. If only he'd refused, Sandburg wouldn't have had so many chances to snare Jim.
"With respect sir, Blair hasn't done anything to me. For your information I approached him. I never thought he'd be with me, and when he agreed to try I felt like the luckiest man alive. I still do, despite what you think."
Clutching his beer like a lifeline Simon stared into the middle distance, he could feel the glare Jim sent his way and knew he'd disappointed and hurt his friend. For that he was sorry, but there was no way he could ever approve of one of his men in a homosexual relationship.
"Homosexuality isn't normal Jim, hell in some states it's illegal. The bible says that homosexuality is an abomination, and I'm sorry but that's what I think as well. Men don't sleep with other men, and it doesn't matter if you are my friend, it's still wrong.
The bible had been a constant presence in Simon's life. He believed totally in its words, they brought comfort to him in times of horror and stress, which was often in his job. Working with the sickest of humanity meant he had to have some belief system. After a bad day, looking at his angel collection would remind him that some things in the world were good. Simon believed one hundred percent in the bibles teaching, that wouldn't change. Even when he had to watch his best friend turn to stone in front of his eyes and their friendship fracture within seconds.
"What the hell is normal Simon? Is it normal when we cover some hooker killed by her pimp? Or rescue a woman beaten to shit by her husband? You believe so much in the bible, the same book that allows slavery. You just chose what you want to believe. Life is here and now Simon, not thousands of years in the past."
The words were flung at Simon in a bitter controlled voice, Jim was mad; jaw working compulsively as he gathered his belongings ready to leave.
"I'm going now before I say something that I really regret, back to someone I know will always accept me no matter what. You've been a good friend Simon, but Blair comes first now."
Watching as Jim flung a twenty on the table Simon tried to convince his friend one last time.
"Look Jim, have you thought this might be a Sentinel thing, maybe you're mistaking the Sentinel/Guide bond. It wouldn't be hard for Sandburg to persuade you that it's more than it is. Why don't you go on vacation and see if distance breaks his hold on you. Hell stay at mine if it helps, or tell Sandburg to leave. He's been taking advantage too long as it is. I'll lay odds that in a few days you'll forget that you ever wanted him and get back to normal."
"Say one more word about Blair Simon and I'll forget that you're my superior officer and lay one on you. Get it into your head, I love Blair. It's *nothing* to do with Sentinels or Guides, it's everything to do with Blair and me."
Realising he'd lost the fight Simon sighed and looked away. Jim had been a good friend and it would hurt to lose him. All he could do was wait until Blair tired of playing with Jim and walked away. Which would hopefully be soon.
"Jim wait."
"There's nothing that you can say that would interest me now Simon."
I just want to remind you to tell Sandburg to drop his observer credentials at the PD soon."
Jim seemed to freeze, staring at Simon in horror.
"You'd pull his pass just 'cos you don't agree with our relationship?"
"No detective. What I'm pulling his pass for is because it's the rules. Remember domestic partners can't ride together, and I doubt anyone else will have Blair ride along. You want Sandburg as your boyfriend, you lose him as your work partner, it's as simple as that."
Standing so he could look Jim in the eye Simon remained impassive as he saw rage flee from his detectives face, replaced by resignation and sadness. Without a word Jim turned and left the bar, shoulders tight with strain. Gathering his coat Simon followed slowly behind. He was going to go home and watch the game, maybe read his old worn bible, reinforce to himself that he'd done the right thing. Then maybe he'd be able to think of a way to get Jim from Blair Sandburg's bad influence. Jim gay, that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard.