By Hawthorn

Late at night, pondering the meaning of things...

From the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary:

Main Entry: dep·ri·va·tion
Pronunciation: "de-pr&-'vA-sh&n also "dE-"prI-
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1 : the state of being deprived : PRIVATION; especially: removal
from an office, dignity, or benefice
2 : an act or instance of depriving : LOSS

From the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Thesaurus:

Entry Word: deprivation
Function: noun
Text: Synonyms PRIVATION 2, deprivement, dispossession,
divestiture, loss

As I look around my overcrowded office at the awkward stacks of boxes containing all my worldly goods, I find myself reflecting that the Merriam-Webster's Thesaurus entry on deprivation pretty much sums up my life at the moment.

PRIVATION - lack of what is needed for existence

Yep, that pretty well summarizes how I feel without Jim. My whole life has wrapped itself more and more around him over the last few years, and now… I'm no longer really sure I know how to exist without him near me.

DISPOSSESSION - to put out of possession or occupancy

Well, I've certainly been put out of my occupancy of the loft, haven't I? Not that I had possession, or anything, but Jim has been telling me to consider it my home for a long time. Now, suddenly, it isn't.

DIVESTITURE - 1 a : to deprive or dispossess especially of property, authority, or title b : to undress or strip especially of clothing, ornament, or equipment c : RID, FREE
2 : to take away from a person

Oh, yeah, divestiture really fits, doesn't it. No longer a guide, probably not an observer, no home, no Sentinel, no dissertation subject, no Blessed Protector, no Jim. In short, pretty much everything that matters to me. And no longer any idea where to go, or what to do. I feel stripped bare, my thoughts and dreams, hopes and emotions laid open, easy prey to whatever scavengers come along. My protector, my Sentinel, my best friend, gone. I didn't know how much I've come to depend on him, until now, when he's no longer here, and I'm once again alone.

2 a : the act of losing possession b : the harm or privation resulting from loss or separation c : an instance of losing

Now there's a couple of really cheerful words… destruction and ruin. The destruction of our relationship, the ruin of our friendship, our partnership. I really need to think about something else…

What was that? Who's there?



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