Warnings: Some of you might need a tissue or two
When Jim entered the loft the could hear the shaky breath of his partner. His nose detected the smell of salty tears. Concerned he walked to Blair's room and knocked lightly on the glass French doors. "Chief? You ok in there?" He asked, then waited. When he got no answer, he opened the door slowly and found his roommate curled in a ball on his bed, with his shoulders shaking from silent sobs.
Blair had heard Jim come in and hoped he would be left alone. When he heard the knock on his doors, the sobs were coming to forcefully to answer. His heart mind and spirit hurt too badly to call out to his friend. He was in need of comfort badly but her words kept haunting him.
"You're too dependant on Jim. He doesn't need you. He's gonna get tired of you one of these days and kick you out and then what are you gonna do? Where are you gonna go? I always thought you'd be more than you are, but you stopped when you gave up your independence to live here. You're nothing but a big disappointment Blair."
His mother, the one who had always had a word of praise, a pleased smile or a gentle touch for him, had now told him in so many words that he wasn't worthy of her love anymore. A low sob escaped from Blair's throat when he heard Jim enter the room, which made him sob more knowing Jim had heard.
Jim grew concerned at the low sob. He walked over to Blair's bed and sat down on the edge. "Chief, what is it? What's happened?" He asked reaching over and carefully moving Blair's hair away from the younger man's face and tucking it behind Blair's ear. "Hey, come on Chief talk to me. Something must've happened to upset you like this." A thought hit Jim then. "Oh God Chief, it's Naomi isn't it? Something's happened to her hasn't it?" He asked as he placed his hand on Blair's bicep and gave it an affectionate squeeze.
A high pitched whimper escaped from Blair at the mention of his mother. He didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to stay in his bed and wallow in his pain. The tender touch to his face as Jim pulled his hair back and then the light squeeze to his shoulder was the grad student's undoing. He sobbed harder and didn't bother to hide it anymore. He felt himself lifted and turned, but didn't register what was happening to him till he felt himself being tucked against a warm wall of strength. He could feel one of Jim's hands at the base of his neck and the other rubbing his back. Blair was stunned by the gesture and began to sob hard again.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay Chief. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. Shh come on Chief breathe. Just breathe buddy, come on. There ya go Chief, come on anther breath now. That's right, you're doing good." Jim kept praising the younger man's efforts to calm down, not knowing how much it was soothing Blair's spirit and heart.
The words helped Blair to calm a little at a time as did the continuous long strokes Jim was still rubbing on his back. His breathing was a little calmer and the sobbing had stopped finally after twenty minutes. He reached up and began to wipe away the leftover tears from his face. Some of his hair had stuck to his face and he began to pull it away and tuck the pieces behind his ears. "Jim? I think you can let me up now." Blair said hesitantly. His voice was still thick and ragged with emotion.
"I'll let you up on one condition Chief. You have to tell me what's going on. I've never seen you this upset before." Jim said as he moved Blair from his lap to the bed. He nodded when Blair stayed by his side and smiled a little when the curly topped head rested against his upper arm.
Blair took a few deep breaths as he tried to figure out how to start. "Well Jim, you were right when you though it was about Naomi. It is, but it's nothing like your thinking. She…she she hates me Jim. There's no other way to say it. She thinks I'm just a big disappointment." He cringed as he used his mother's words. They seemed more true when said out loud. Suddenly a large arm wrapped around his shoulders and a hand was turning his face towards Jim's.
"Look at me Chief, what your mother thinks isn't always true. And this time she is definitely wrong. You are anything but disappointing. I mean look how much you help me and the police department. Don't listen to her Chief, she doesn't know what a bright guy you are and how things would've fallen apart in my life if it hadn't been for you. You are my best friend, my guide and the best partner a detective could ever want. You get this thought tattooed into you right now Chief. You are wanted, needed and loved. You got that? Wanted. Needed. Loved.
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