Withdrawal Too

By Maaaaa


A/N: Sequel to Withdrawal


He's addicted you hear them say.

He's addicted.

And you feel him crumble and you wonder if you'll be able to find all the pieces and fit them back into place.

You shake your head defiantly as if that act alone will change what they're saying and you pound your fists against your thighs and you close your eyes, blaming yourself of course. You're his Blessed Protector you tell yourself. He's a cop now you tell yourself, a damn good cop, the best. He's always been the best damn partner you've ever had you tell yourself and it doesn't change the fact that you are still supposed to be his Blessed Protector.

And you knew there were risks, there are always risks and you both knew the risks you tell yourself over and over.

Your chest tightens as you remember the call. Blair's missing Simon tells you. His cover was blown by a sniveling little weasel of a snitch you hear him say. You can still feel fistfuls of grubby dirty worn out cloth bunched in your hands as you grab the sniveling little weasel and you remember the look on his face as you yank him hard and pull him nose to nose with you. The realization smacks him hard and fast you remember, that his life isn't worth shit you promise him if your partner doesn't turn up.

Images blink in and out of your head like a slide show you think. A skanky part of town, a drug lab, featuring the latest designer drug du jour you smell it, taste it. Back rooms, dim lights that don't stop you from seeing he's not there, Blair's not there your eyes lie.

A back door, black against black, you see it, and it's ajar on rusty hinges you notice. You edge toward it, and as you get closer, closer, you hear it, you hear Blair's heartbeat and you know it's on the other side of the door. You kick the door open and the sunlight is unexpected but it shouldn't be and you squint and adjust your sight immediately just like Blair has taught you.

You see him then, huddled in a ball on the grimy wet pavement of a dank alley next to a smelly dumpster and you dial it down before he even has to tell you and you realize he's not going to tell you because he's shaking and he doesn't recognize you and he doesn't recognize himself.

You yell and yell. Call an ambulance you yell, officer down you shout as you race to him and you see the shaking and you feel the fear spilling off him and you see the tracks on his arms where he's been scratching and clawing…



You pace quickly down the halls and you hear his whimpering and feel him shaking even through the walls that separate you. You hear him begging and you can smell the tears already and you know it's been another bad day because he's not in his room. You know what the nurse will say before you ask.

They've had to restrain him again they tell you; put him in a straightjacket and you don't want to hear it and you don't want to believe it when they tell you he ripped out the IV and punched an orderly.

But then you smile to yourself knowing what a tough little shit Blair can be when he puts his mind to it.

They let you into the padded room because they know there's no point arguing with you and you're his partner and you're his best friend and you are always able to calm him down and get him through the rough spots and it shouldn't be too much longer they tell you. He's over the worst of it they assure you.

You dial down your sense of smell before you enter the room, knowing he'll freak if he sees you wince or wrinkle your nose.

Aw, Chief you say, Aw Chief.

You listen to him say he can't do this, you hear him beg for more of the drug that almost stole him from you. He slams himself against the wall and you can't let him do it again so you're at his side and sliding to the floor with him listening to his litany of apology and self recrimination and you don't hear it, don't let yourself hear it. You hear only his need.

You hold him and rock him and you tell him over and over not your fault buddy. You tell him his cover was blown, you grit your teeth and tell him those bastards did this to him. You tell him he's the strongest person you know and it's the truth.

You catch him as he falls as you feel the ripples of pain slowly ebb and flow out of him and you gladly take on the pain he shouldn't have to deal with alone. And you feel it when he finally hears you, believes you, and you give him your promise buddy, we'll get through this together buddy.


Send feedback to Maaaaa

Go back to Story Page

Go back to Home Page