Maybe, Maybe Not

By Polly


Rating: NC-17

Notes: angst, angst, angst. Gloom, gloom, gloom. Why, why, why? Blame the inauguration and the fact that homophobia is very much on my mind today.


Jim liked to touch him, kiss him. He liked the kisses. He did.

He liked being held.

He liked what they'd done when they'd started having sex; the handjobs and the blowjobs that were so infrequent now.

He didn't like being fucked.

Jim said, "It's because it's new to you, that's all. Just relax and it'll feel good."

It never felt good.

Not that Jim hurt him physically - Jim was too careful with him to do that. And it wasn't that he didn't come - Jim always made sure that he did.

His body was satisfied, even if his heart complained.

He knew what the problem was. He didn't feel loved when Jim fucked him, because Jim always fucked him from behind.

He'd asked once about different positions. "It's easier for you this way," Jim said.

It wasn't. He worried that maybe it was easier for Jim. Maybe Jim didn't want to see the breasts he didn't have or the hairy chest that he did. Maybe Jim didn't want to see his face.

Maybe there was a reason Jim didn't want their eyes to meet... maybe he'd see what was missing.

Maybe Jim didn't really love him, after all.


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