When Fanon Runs Wild
Blair was sitting on the couch when Jim walked in, the notes he was using to draft an article for ‘Anthropology Today´ scattered over the cushions and coffee table. He tilted his head back and could tell immediately that Jim wasn´t in the best of moods. He glanced surreptitiously around him at the mess, and then turned back to Jim who had dropped his keys into the basket and was shrugging his jacket off.
You, uh, you don´t look so good. Rough day? Oh, hey!’ Blair sat up straight as the thought hit him. Your senses weren´t bothering you, were they?’
Jim looked a little guilty. Not too bad, Chief.’
Oh, Jim, man! You gotta call me!’
I can handle it,’ Jim said firmly.
Jim, I´m your partner, man.’ Blair balanced his laptop precariously on the coffee table and stood, walking around the couch to Jim.
I knew you needed to get your research done for this article,’ Jim said, indicating the disorder in his living room. Jim winced as if he had a headache. You, uh, you are gonna pick that up, right?’
Sure, Jim. In fact, I´ll do that right now. I can finish this up in my room....’
No, Chief, don´t do that,’ Jim said. Just pick it up when you´re done, okay?’
Okay. Thanks, man. So, you wanna tell me what happened today?’
Jim sighed. Let me get a beer and sit down first, all right? If we can find the couch,’ he added with a grin that told Blair he was starting to feel better.
Lucky you´ve got two of ‘em,’ Blair teased. No, I really shouldn´t, not while I´m working on the article,’ he said when Jim silently offered him a beer.
Oh, I don´t know, Chief, might not be so dry then.’
Ha ha, very funny, man. I´ll have you know that this group of....’
Thought you wanted to hear about my day,’ Jim said as he settled on the couch.
Oh, Jim, man, I do!’
Jim waved him to the couch he was sitting on when Blair looked at the other couch and wondered how he was going to sit back down without sitting on his notes. There was just a tiny Blair-shaped hole amidst the papers. Glad to not have to rearrange his notes just yet, Blair took a seat on the couch with Jim.
Jim held the beer bottle loosely, and took a deep breath before relaxing into the couch. The day was a bust right from the start. First we were out of coffee because someone hasn´t done the grocery shopping yet, and then I ran out of hot water.’ He glared at Blair.
Oh, Jim, man, I´m sorry!’
Then there was a sewer line break on the way to work....’
Oh, yeah, I heard about that! Oh, Jim, tell me you didn´t zone on it.’
Jim rolled his eyes. I wish. No, Chief, I got the full affect until I was able to dial down.’
That´s great, Jim.’ Blair bounced on the couch. See, those tests come in handy, don´t they?’
No comment, Chief.’
It sounds like you had a pretty crappy day,’ Blair commiserated, ignoring Jim´s comment about the tests.
Oh, it didn´t end there. H and Rafe needed backup on a bust, so I went along with them. I was guarding the back door, and the perp comes running out, knocks me down, and my gun goes flying.’
Oh, man,’ Blair winced in sympathy.
I mean, it´s one thing when I lose my gun in front of you, but H and Rafe didn´t shut up about it the entire day.’ He paused. They even offered to velcro it to my hand.’
Oh, Jim, man, that was harsh,’ Blair said, trying not to smile. Want me to beat ‘em up for you?’ he asked.
Jim reached out and tapped Blair´s chest with his knuckles. Blair Sandburg advocating violence? Did Hell just freeze over?’
You know, you´re not as funny as you think,’ Blair said.
Sure I am,’ Jim said, as his fingers played with Blair´s hair.
Not that I mind, or anything, but what are you doing?’
Doing? Oh! Uh, sorry.’
No, no, it´s okay, I was just...curious.’
I´m still feeling a bit twitchy,’ Jim admitted.
Yeah, like, unsettled.’
Okay. And the hair thing was because...?’
Tgrnsme,’ Jim mumbled.
Jim sighed and turned an interesting shade of red. I said, it grounds me.’
No, no,’ Blair quickly assured him, just...surprised. You never said....’
‘Cause it´s freaky. I´m a freak.’
No, Jim, stop it! You´re not a freak. Now tell me about this grounding thing,’ Blair ordered excitedly.
It´s no big deal,’ Jim said in a transparent attempt to deflect Blair´s attention.
Not gonna work, man. Spill.’
Jim plucked at his jeans. It´s embarrassing,’ he admitted.
I´m sorry you feel that way, Jim,’ Blair said, unconsciously lowering his voice. But if it´s something that helps you with your senses, I need to know.’
So you can write about it?’ Jim complained bitterly.
So I can help you,’ Blair replied, placing his hand on Jim´s arm. And don´t think I´m gonna forget that you said that. We are going to have a talk about your trust issues. But later. Right now I want you to explain this grounding thing to me.’
Jim had the grace to look sheepish when Blair took him to task. All right. It´s just...I can control my senses better when you´re around.’
Blair waited, but Jim didn´t say anything else. Okay. Good. How´s that work, exactly?’
Jim flushed, and from his expression Blair could tell it wasn´t all from irritation at having to discuss his senses. When my senses...sense you, they just work better. I can´t really explain it, but I can...extend them further. And after a rough day, you´re....’
Jim sighed in defeat. Soothing.’
Blair´s eyebrows shot up. You find me soothing?’ he asked, stifling a nervous laugh.
Jim narrowed his eyes. Your presence is soothing.’
Uh huh.’ The corner of his lips twitched.
This is embarrassing. I never should have said anything.’
Blair turned serious. No, Jim, no, this is really cool! So tell me how it works,’ he said eagerly.
I just said I don´t know,’ Jim growled.
But Jim, you do. Just think about it,’ Blair urged.
Jim stared at him to see if he was serious or having him on. He could tell that Jim was using his senses on him, and Blair realized that he´d felt Jim doing this before, though he hadn´t known at the time that Jim was...grounding himself in Blair. He tried to project nothing but concerned interest, and Jim finally spoke.
I don´t really know how it works. All I know is when you´re near, my senses are clearer, I´m more relaxed and...in tune with them, I guess.’
Okay. Okay.’ Blair was trying really hard not to bounce. So, uh, you need to touch my hair some more?’
Jim blushed an even deeper red, but managed to smile. No, I´m good, Chief.’
Oh.’ Blair tried not to sound disappointed. You sure? ‘Cause I don´t mind.’
Jim dropped his hand onto Blair´s leg. Thanks, Blair. It means a lot to me that you don´t mind. But now that I´m here, I´m good.’ Blair frowned in confusion. You´re all around me here.’ Jim gave a little wave of his hand and looked around the loft instead of at Blair when he spoke.
Blair grinned. Really? That´s so....’
Blair chuckled. Yeah.’ He wondered what it meant that Jim needed to ground himself in Blair, but when his body started to react inappropriately to his outrageous hypotheses, decided to change the subject. So how was the rest of your day?’
Good,’ Jim replied quickly. Too quickly, Blair thought.
Mostly,’ Jim waffled.
Blair glared at him. Jim?’ When Jim didn´t respond, Blair continued, I could just call Simon and ask him, you know.’
It was Jim´s turn to glare. Fine, I zoned, okay?
Blair got upset. You zoned?’
But it was nothing.’
Jim, a zone isn´t nothing, man!’
A what? A mini-zone? What is that?’
I snapped out of it just like that.’ Jim snapped his fingers.
Uh huh,’ Blair said in disbelief.
I did! All by myself, too.’
Okay, it was that new girl in records, she was wearing way too much perfume. It was awful. I got a whiff of that and it....’
Snapped you right out of your zone.’
No one noticed?’
No. If they did, they probably thought I was thinking. Like I said, Chief, it wasn´t long.’
All right, fine. What did you zone on?’
Jim, when it comes to your senses, man, everything´s important!’
Look, Chief, trust me on this, it wasn´t important.’
Why don´t you want to tell me?’ Blair asked, hurt.
Because it´s...! All right. Okay.’ Jim held his hand up in surrender. I was listening to Rhonda and the donut girl.... What´s her name again?’
Right, Kelly. Hey, weren´t you going to ask her out? How´d that go?’
Uh, no, I got too busy,’ Blair replied nervously, hoping Jim couldn´t tell he was lying through his teeth. And don´t try to change the subject. What were they saying?’
Rhonda and Kelly.’
Oh, uh, you know, I don´t remember.’
Jim took a sip of his beer.
Jim, you can recall things you didn´t remember hearing from four years ago.’
Uh, yeah, well, I zoned, remember?’
Before you heard anything?’
Jim, you lie so bad, man! Now, give. What were they talking about?’
Uh huh?’ Blair nodded encouragingly, and then waved his hand for Jim to continue.
It´s really silly, Blair.’
Which is why you zoned trying to hear what they were saying?’
Fine, but you´re not going to like it.’
Blair waited expectantly.
They were talking about us.’
Yeah, you said. What about us?’
Thought we looked good....’ Jim swallowed hard. Together.’
Yeah. And commiserating with each other that, uh, that it´s too bad that all the good ones are either married or gay. Or, in our case, both.’
Yep.’ Jim took another sip of beer.
They think we´re gay?’ Blair´s voice squeaked.
And married,’ Jim added helpfully.
To each other?’ Blair yelped.
Blair grabbed the bottle out of Jim´s hand and chugged it.
Hey, hey, whoa! Sandburg, give me that!’
Oh, god, I´m so sorry, Jim.’
That´s all right, I can get another beer.’
I don´t mean about the beer!’
Then what are you sorry about?’
I-I must have done something to make them think we´re...you know.’
Yeah, me. I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to.’
Mean to what?’
Let my feelings show,’ Blair admitted hollowly.
Blair jumped up from the couch. He ran his fingers nervously through his hair. Look, maybe I should just go....’
Go? Go where? Sandburg, Chief, what´s going on?’ Jim´s eyes narrowed and Blair thought Jim had finally figured out what was going on. Before he could run, Jim grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. Blair landed half on the couch and half on Jim.
Yes, Jim?’ Blair asked, his eyes focused on Jim´s hand as he set the beer aside.
M-my feelings,’ Blair replied unhelpfully.
Your feelings about...?’
You,’ he admitted.
You have feelings for me?’
Of course I have feelings for you, Jim! You´re my friend. My best friend!’
Just your friend?’
Would you like to touch my hair some more?’
I thought you´d never ask,’ Jim said, sliding his hand beneath Blair´s hair, letting his fingers curve around his neck. He kneaded until Blair arched his back, and then buried his fingers in Blair´s hair and tugged. Blair moaned.
Can I kiss you, Blair?’
Oh, man, Jim, I thought you´d never ask,’ Blair sighed, just before Jim kissed him.
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