By Ellisonbabe

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A/N: this is a sequel to "Here I am" (challenge #41). Jim finally reads the entry. It's more mush than anything -what can I say - I'm just a mushy gal at heart.Sorry.(and its unbetad)

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Jim picked the journal up, Blair's voice ringing in his ears. He looked up; Blair was standing at the top of the stairs.

"Blair?"

"Just read it Jim." Blair looked at Jim "Please."

Jim didn't need to be a Sentinel to hear the nervousness in Blair's voice; he knew whatever was written in the journal was serious. Jim looked back at the journal still in his hands, then back up to Blair.

"I can't."

Blair smiled weakly "Yes you can - I want you to."

"I can't." Jims hand started to slightly shake; he gripped the journal tighter hoping Blair hadn't noticed. "I can't." He moved to shut the book; Blair moved quickly and clasped his hands over Jim's to prevent him from doing so.

"No Jim."

"I can't - I can't read it."

"Yes you can." Blair slowly released his hands, and stepped back unsure as to what Jim's next move would be.

"If I read it, it'll happen all over again." Jim's face was pale "I don't want us to fight again - I… I said some terrible things last time. I don't want to hurt you and nearly destroy our relationship again."

"Jim, that was different - I didn't want you to read that chapter and you did. This time I do want you to read it. It's okay." Then as an afterthought he added "And we both said some terrible things - it wasn't just you."

"But what if…"

"Jim. Just read it will you - nothing has too change - if you don't want it to. I won't fight with you over this." Blair turned and headed towards the stairs "look - I'll go down stairs and leave you alone for a bit - please read it." Blair headed downstairs, never daring to look back at Jim just in case he saw something he didn't want to see.

Jim waited till he knew Blair had gone downstairs, then he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at the journal, still unsure whether to read it or not. Unconsciously he listened to Blair's heartbeat which had slowed down to near normal rhythm - it was oddly calming. He sighed, knowing there was no getting around it: he had to read it.

"Okay. Where do I start? This is hard to write when you know another person is going to be reading it. Must get to the point - I just hope I can convince him to read this. How do I do that? STOP IT SANDBURG. Get to the point. I can't believe I'm so nervous. Deep breath. Okay. Jim - I love you."

Startled, Jim nearly dropped the book, he re-read the last sentence. 'Jim -I love you' his heart hammering away in his chest.

'Jim -I love you. - So... by now, you're either gone ballistic and wondering how the hell to get out of this. OR you're taking this better than I expect but are still thinking how you're going to get out of this. OR (and I hope, I really hope it's this one) you want to find out why I've just said what I have. Anyway it's up to you. I can't make you do something you don't want to."

Jim put the book down. He knew what he had to do.

Blair was no longer pacing back and forth; he had sat in the chair nearest the balcony doors. He was nervously tapping an unknown rhythm on the chair arm. Blair looked up as he heard Jim come down the stairs, he tried to read the expression on Jim's face but he drew a blank. Whatever Jim was feeling at this moment in time, he was not showing it on his face. Blair took a deep breath.

"Have you read it?"

Jim didn't reply and continued across the Loft to where Blair was sat. Blair's first reaction was to think 'crap - he's going to pound me to a pulp'. His second one was to leap out of the chair and try to rush past Jim, who caught him in by the arm and pulled him backwards, so the two men stood face to face. Jim still stayed silent. Blair looked straight at him, still trying to work out what - if anything - was going to happen. Jim held his gaze. He could hear Blair's heartbeat fluttering wildly.

Blair repeated his question "Have you read it?"

"Yes."

Blair tensed "Yes?"

"Yes" Jim repeated, he released Blair's arm. "Yes I've read it."

Blair looked down at the floor and closed his eyes, mentally going through what was about to happen 'here it comes - thanks but no thanks - time to go and pack - he'll want you out as soon as possi…..hey what's happening here?' Blair felt Jim's hand under his chin and his head gently being tilted upwards. Blair re-opened his eyes to see Jim looming over him, with a heart stopping smile on his face.

"Uh - Jim?" Blair barely managed to whisper a response.

"Blair" Jim replied softly... His hand tucked a stray curl behind Blair's ear "Thank you."

Blair gulped "For what?"

"For loving me" Jim then softly brushed his mouth over Blair's, Blair shivered at the sudden touch. Jim pulled away for a split second then leant into Blair and kissed him harder. Blair leant into Jim's mouth, arms flung round each other. They stood there locked together as one, for what seemed an eternity. Blair was the first one to break the embrace, somewhat breathlessly he mumbled.

"Do you want to know why?"

"Not now. All that matters is that you do." Jim replied.

Blair half nodded as he replied "I do - so much."

"And I love you too Blair Sandburg." Jim gave Blair a quick kiss "and that's all we both need to know right now. We've got the rest of our lives to find out why. But tonight we're celebrating your birthday."

Blair smiled "Yeah and I'm going to celebrate you finally reading my journal."

Fin

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